Alright, let’s talk about The Ick. That sudden, soul-shriveling moment when someone you were vibing with turns into… ew. And not because they’re objectively bad. No. Sometimes it’s just because he chewed like a cartoon character, said “yum-yums” instead of food, or… and this one still haunts me… said one single sentence that made my nervous system go full-on eject mode.
Sidebar: Therapist Gets the Ick Too:
Yes, me. The trauma therapist. One sentence. That’s all it took. My nervous system instantly filed a full restraining order. I just stared at my coffee and thought, “Yep. That’s the end of this chapter.
If you’ve ever felt personally betrayed by your own nervous system, welcome to the club. Membership includes anxiety, overthinking, and unsolicited side-eye from your prefrontal cortex.
Time to unpack the chaos that is the Ick
Everyday version: It’s that instantaneous switch from “aww” to “eww.”
Clinical therapist version: The Ick is a protective nervous system response. Your body is trying to manage overstimulation, vulnerability, or low-level existential threat… often over literally nothing.
Yes, even when the “threat” is someone using a misaligned emoji.
Trauma + The Ick: Your Nervous System as the Overzealous Bouncer”
For folks with complex trauma, the Ick isn’t always about the other human. Sometimes it’s your nervous system going full-on bouncer mode:
“Too close! Too soon! Too safe-looking! Suspicious! DENIED.”
Connection can feel terrifying when your system remembers previous breaches of safety. So the Ick is basically your body yelling:
“Sweetie… leave. NOW.”
Sidebar: And yes, sometimes even I’ve often gotten the ick whilst doom scrolling.Empathy immunity: nonexistent.
Other Flavors of the Ick: It’s Not Just Him, Promise”
- Hormonal Ick: Your body randomly decides someone’s vibe is catastrophic.
- Compatibility Ick: Your soul knows something’s off.
- Red-flag Ick: Your nervous system is picking up actual warning signs.
- Hangry/Seasonal Ick: Low blood sugar or holiday stress makes literally everything intolerable.
How to Survive the Ick Without Ghosting Everyone”
- Pause. Don’t yeet the whole friendship/relationship instantly. Your nervous system might just be dramatic.
- Check your internal weather. Are you stressed, tired, hungry? Then maybe this isn’t really about them.
- Ask the therapist question: “Is this discomfort… or danger?”
- Normalize it. Everyone gets the Ick. Pretending otherwise is exhausting.
- Be kind to your system. It’s not malicious; it’s just really protective. Think of it like an overzealous bodyguard who sometimes throws coffee cups at innocent people.
Bottom Line: Laugh, Cry, Repeat — Your Nervous System Is Dramatic”
The Ick isn’t proof you’re cold, broken, or doomed for singlehood. It’s a sign your body is paying attention. Sometimes it’s warning you, sometimes it’s overreacting, and sometimes it’s just… dramatic.
Sidebar: And yes, even your trauma therapist gets the Ick. Daily. Multiple times. Sometimes over one sentence. Sometimes over someone’s Instagram caption.
The goal isn’t to never get the Ick. The goal is to recognise it, understand it, and maybe, just maybe, laugh at it when your nervous system performs a full-on exorcism over literally nothing.
And if you fancy a hand with dissecting it, get in touch 😉
