Ever tried to have a serious talk, only to end up feeling like you got lost in a blender set to “purée?”
Welcome to the world of narcissistic word salad, where logic is on annual leave and you’re left staring at someone who just answered your feelings with a plot twist that would confuse even Sherlock Holmes.
Picture this:
You say, “It hurt my feelings when you snapped at me.”
They reply with something like, “I don’t snap. You’re projecting. Besides, last month you forgot to call me back, and my coworker said you’re jealous anyway.”
Your brain: …did I just get emotionally mugged? (yes, I do watch THAT tv show-is this their punchline this year??)
So what is word salad?
In narcissistic dynamics, word salad is a confusing, tangled style of communication used to dodge accountability and maintain control.
It is like emotional dodgeball, except instead of balls you get blasted with contradictions, random accusations, and philosophical side quests nobody signed up for.
It often shows up as:
- Topic hopping faster than a squirrel on espresso
- Denying what was just said two seconds ago
- Blaming you for bringing up the issue
- Completely unrelated tangents that feel like plot twists from a bad soap opera
It is not quirky communication.
It is smoke, mirrors, and confusion with a side of control.
Why it works
Most people in this trap:
- Try to make sense of the nonsense
- Question themselves
- Feel pressured to “prove” the truth
- End up apologizing just to stop the chaos
It is like trying to sort alphabet soup into neat little rows.
Meanwhile, the narcissist is flicking noodles off the table and calling it deep conversation.
A moment from my own journey
I once had an abuser say to me:
“Be a vending machine, not a slot machine.”
At the time, it felt like one more jab.
Translation: become predictable so they could push buttons and get their emotional candy when they wanted it.
The irony was thicker than cold oatmeal. Here was someone who thrived on chaos, suddenly preaching order.
That line echoed in my head for a long time.
But healing lets you reclaim things.
Later, I reframed it:
Clarity over chaos. Boundaries instead of emotional gambling.
I did not need to keep feeding coins into conversations, hoping for empathy to pop out like a lucky jackpot.
Turns out, I could stop playing their game entirely.
That comment did not shape me into who they wanted.
It nudged me toward realising I deserved conversations rooted in reality, not confusion.
Game changed. Permanently.
Signs you slipped into the salad bowl
You might notice:
- “Why am I defending myself again?”
- “How did this turn into a debate about last year?”
- Feeling guilty but unsure why
- Brain fog so thick you could spread it on toast
The goal is not clarity.
The goal is control.
Healthy people talk to connect.
Narcissists talk to dominate.
How to protect your peace
You cannot out-logic chaos. Trying to do so is like trying to alphabetize yogurt. It just slides everywhere and you end up tired.
Try:
- Pausing when things get twisty
- Labeling it quietly: “This is derailment”
- Holding focus: “We are staying on the topic”
- Exiting calmly: “I am not continuing this right now”
My favorite line:
“I will not debate reality.”
Short. Solid. Nervous system friendly.
You are not too sensitive. You are waking up.
If you leave conversations feeling confused, blamed, or like you just wrestled an octopus made of arguments, you are not the problem.
Your ability to reflect is a strength, not a flaw.
And you do not need to hold conversations hostage hoping they will eventually make sense.
Healing is learning you do not have to enter every verbal maze someone builds.
Sometimes the boldest thing you can say is:
“No thanks. I am choosing clarity over salad today.”
Stay curious. Stay grounded.
And may your words be full of connection, not confusion.
